Category Archives: Old Haunts

The Story of How To Be Dead

So, once upon a time, I had an idea for a series of 3 novellas telling the story of Death and the problems he had trying to sort out the undead.

“I’ll bash them out over the course of a year,” I thought. “It’ll be a nice little project to keep me out of trouble.”

Four years later, I’ve just published the last part of that story.

It all started easy enough writing the first novella. It was called How To Be Dead (after a Snow Patrol song). If you haven’t read it, you can have it for free by clicking here.

People really liked it. That made me very happy. “I should probably write the second one,” I thought.

Then I was diagnosed with a seriously massive heart condition. You know when a footballer drops dead on the football pitch? That’s the bad boy I’ve got. There were hospital visits. Medication. Implants. Wires stuck into my heart.

But I’m now technically a cyborg. Which is actually the childhood dream come true.

I’ll be honest, there were grim days contemplating my own mortality. What would my wife and kids do if I wasn’t around tomorrow? Who’d remove the Billy Joel albums off my iPhone before people discovered them?

Then I thought, “Hang on. I’m writing comedy books about death. I can probably use this.”

This may go some way to explaining the number of Billy Joel jokes in the books.

When you stare in to the Abyss, sometimes the Abyss stares back. So you wave to the Abyss. Then you realise the Abyss was actually staring at something over your shoulder and it all gets a little bit awkward.

And then you just bloody well get on with it.

Then an agent got in touch to say that he loved the first novella and did I want to turn it into a novel and be represented by him?

“Yes! Of course!” I thought.

So I left my screenwriting agent and signed with the new agency with ideas that i would be An Important Novelist. And I wrote a novel. Which I wasn’t completely happy with.

Then the agent decided he didn’t want to be agent anymore.

So I was left agent-less and holding a novel I didn’t know what to do with. So I decided that since I’d had an idea for 3 novellas, I’d better start the second one.

That was called Paper Cuts (after songs by Nirvana and The Boy Least Likely To). Because I like you so much, you can have that for free as well by clicking here.

People seemed to like that a bit more than the first one.

“I’d better write a third one,” I thought.  So I did.

It’s called Old Haunts (after a song by The Gaslight Anthem). You can get that here if you’re in the UK.  Or, if you’re in the US, here.

People seem to be liking it a bit more than the second one. Which is a trajectory that any writer would want.

Now I’ve dragged a story that’s been banging around my head for half a decade kicking and screaming into the world, I’m not sure how to feel. Perhaps because I don’t want to leave these characters behind and I’ve got more stories about them to tell. Perhaps because I have an office full of books I need to post out to the awesome Kickstarter backers. I don’t know.

But this chapter of my life has reached an end. There’s some people I should thank:

Everyone who supported me on Kickstarter from the beginning – I wouldn’t have done this without you. You rock.

If you’ve downloaded the stories, or tweeted, or Facebooked or blogged about them – You, too, are awesome.

If you’ve got in touch with me to tell me that you’ve enjoyed the stories, thank you. You don’t know how much that means to me and how much it helps when it’s the middle of the night and I have a two hour commute to work in the morning and I just can’t think of that last joke for the scene.

And my wife (who probably won’t read this), who has looked on me doing this with a mixture of bewilderment and patience. She knew I had to do this, even if she’ll never really understand why. I love her very much. She puts up with a lot.

And my kids (who I won’t let read this). If it wasn’t for the Three Infinite Monkeys, these books would’ve probably been written a lot quicker but the gaps in between wouldn’t have been even a tenth as much fun.

I’m a writer now. I always have been. I don’t get embarrassed muttering “Yeah, I do” when a friend tells someone “Dave writes books, y’know?”

Sure, it doesn’t pay the mortgage. I hope one day it will. Right now, it’s a bit of pin money at the end of the month. But some force has always driven me to take this stuff in my head and stick down on the page ever since I could hold a pen.

That’s what makes a writer. Writing. Just bloody well getting on with it.

So, I’ll be getting on with the next story. It’s a feel-good comedy about alien invasions. I promise I’ll be quicker with this one.

This was just meant to be a quick post to say “Hey! The new book’s out!” but things quickly spiralled out of control. Sorry about that.

I’ll have a glass or two of wine tonight to toast Death, Dave, Anne, Melanie and Gary. I hope you do too.

C’mon. It’s Friday.

Old Haunts – How To Be Dead 3

 

Hello!

I know. I never write. I never call. But I’ve got some news.

Well, I launched a Kickstarter campaign for Old Haunts, the third novella in the How To Be Dead series, this morning.

For those of you who don’t know, Kickstarter is a funding platform for creative projects. Every project creator sets their project’s funding goal and deadline. If people like the project, they can pledge money to make it happen. If the project succeeds in reaching its funding goal, all backers’ debit/credit cards are charged when time expires. If the project falls short, no one is charged. Funding on Kickstarter is all-or-nothing.

We actually hit the target by lunchtime! I cannot thank everyone who’s backed the book enough. Once again, you’ve shown what remarkable people you are. You’ve made this old geek very, very happy again and I shall raise a very large glass of wine to each and every one of you tonight.

But we don’t want to stop there! I have other stories that I want to tell and I’ll continue to publish these through Aim For The Head Books. Once Old Haunts is released, I think I’ll have a vague idea of what I’m doing. So I’m hoping to do more than publish my own poor quality jokes in the future and use Aim For The Head to help other authors get their work out into the world using a profit sharing model.

It’s all still at the ‘sketch on a back of a napkin’ stage, but if – with your help – we can make the How To Be Dead series a success and get Aim For The Head Books off the ground, this could help other writers get a better deal and see new, exciting work available.

The bottom line is the more funds that we can raise, the more I can put into launching Aim For The Head Books.

Are you in? If you are, you could help ‘Old Haunts’ with just three clicks.

1. Click on the button below to visit the Kickstarter page and pledge your support. The limited edition paperbacks are very popular at the moment.

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2. Click on the button below to share with your awesome Facebook friends.

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3. Click on the button below to let your bazillion Twitter followers know about ‘How To Be Dead’.

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There. That was nice and easy, wasn’t it? You’ve done a good thing. Three good things. Go on. Have a biscuit. Have three biscuits. You deserve them. You’re awesome.